We have all heard the saying "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Frankly when you are feeling like sour grapes, there is nothing more irritating than hearing old clichés like this from our well intentioned loved ones. But we also know that as simple as these clichés are, they carry some perennial truth in them, which just compounds our immediate irritable or disturbed condition. We sometimes get so caught up in our story about how and why we are currently suffering that we can't see a way out of the "scene" we are in without staying in our suffering.
Often it appears that there isn't anything anybody could say or do that will allow you to move away from your current story of pain or suffering. We all have a tendency to cling to our suffering, especially when it is extreme, and the reasons for this are many, but I encourage you as much as you possibly will allow, to find anything to break the pattern of thought that embraces the suffering and entertain the possibility that you do not have to suffer and you do have the ability to stop it - right now.
Einstein said that no problem can be solved by the same level of consciousness that created the problem. This means unless you can break through the mindstream of thoughts that are causing the suffering, you will very likely continue to suffer and furthermore your next steps will be ones from a distorted and painful state of mind. There are many things we can do to break this pattern of painful thinking, but we must know we have this capability and frankly many people do not know this. The ego will always insist that the only way to relieve yourself from our suffering is from anything or everything outside of the self, never from inside the self. So it is critical for everyone to understand that you always have control of how you feel. You may not be able to control what goes on around you but you most certainly can control how you respond to it. Knowing this, with certainty, along with the following ideas, will give you an amazing leg up to overcome and transpose your painful moments into peaceful and even joyful moments.
- The first and most important step before making any change of thought or behavior during a difficult time is to exert excessive compassion towards yourself in the immediate moment. Yes, you may be suffering or in pain because of something you did or shouldn't have done and you know it, but leave this lesson for another moment and to best serve you and others that you may have hurt, immediately embrace yourself in compassion. You can do this internally by speaking softly and gently to yourself, such as reminding yourself that no matter what, it's OK for now. You aren't dead, right? - All that needs to be done to correct this problem will get done. You can also treat yourself compassionately physically by embracing yourself, gently rubbing your arms, or softly massaging your face, neck and legs/arms. Your objective with being compassionate with yourself is to calm the "stories" that are going on in your mind, the "what-if's" and "what next's", by affirming your being alive and OK in this moment and affirming the gentle presence surrounding you.
You may not be able to even contemplate forgiveness in this moment for you or for someone else that you think has hurt you, but by allowing immense compassion towards yourself with your thoughts, you will calm the stormy seas enough so that further action can be thought out in a gentler and more productive manner.
- Never, ever, react and take action while you are in a hurt, painful or anxiety ridden state of mind. Promise yourself that before your next action is taken, you will be compassionate to yourself first, and act only after you feel able to recognize you are OK in this moment.
- Create a calming and peaceful environment for yourself, like lighting some candles, turn off the television, grab a cup of warming tea and a favorite blanket or put on your most comfy sweat pants. Remember Rule #2 in conjunction with this rule. Indulging yourself to generate a calming and peaceful energy does not include drinking, drug usage, zoning out with video games or excessive sleeping or eating. Use Rule #2 to guide you to make certain your actions and behaviors come from a loving, peaceful and compassionate place.
- Get outside - Nature has immediate healing energy that cannot be denied. Go for a walk, go to a park or get yourself next to a big tree or lake/pond/stream. Listen to nature and quiet the mind for a few minutes. Allow healing energy to be absorbed into your very being from this vibrant, natural and always available source.
- Use any form of meditation that you know, even if it is only closing your eyes for a few minutes and trying to be still and listen. Breathe deeply and evenly. Intense focus on your breathing will calm and still the mind. Repeat words, such as "Peace", "Love", "I'm OK", or "I'm listening" during your meditation.
- As a life practice to this and other times in the future that you find yourself in extreme suffering, use a trigger to get you to that state of compassion. A trigger can be anything that is meaningful to you, like the following:
- A meaningful prayer or affirmation
- A special token, like a religious symbol, a rock that has special meaning to you, a symbolic lifeline like a strand of rope, a string of beads, etc. Keep your special token around you all the time so that even when times are at their best, a glance at your trigger will be uplifting.
- Get on bended knee - whether religious or not, using bended knee as a trigger to pull a gentle, calming presence into your situation is very effective. This is a universal symbol of reverence, so make reverence to yourself, to life in general, and/or to God. This will immediately trigger a changed state of mind.
Once you have calmed the mind and embraced yourself compassionately, you can begin to look at your situation in a new light, from a fresh perspective. If you do not know what to do next, do nothing. If you feel that your suffering or pain requires some type of action on your part, unless you know for certain that your action is coming from a compassionate place in your own heart, then is it best to wait, get calm and feel peace before you decide what your next best step is. Ask yourself, "Is this next action one that indulges my ego nature or is this something that is best for everyone?" Any action that has ANY type of retaliatory nature to it, even towards yourself, is NOT one you should take, as it is pure ego driving this suggestion. It is perfectly fine to do nothing until you feel inspired by your higher self to take action. It may not come to you immediately what to do, but that's OK, perhaps you need the time to rest and gain peace.
Stay very present in the moment while you are releasing your suffering and allowing in new expanded thoughts of hope, peace, compassion and love. If you feel yourself reliving the condition that caused the suffering, pull yourself back into the present moment using some of the tips above, or by constantly asking yourself - "Where am I now?"
Get mad! Do not allow another moment of your life to be robbed by a runaway ego, fear of the unknown, ruminations of the past experience or wild fantasies about what might happen next. What might happen next? Who knows, but know that you have just survived and compassionately lived through a very painful moment. There is nothing that you cannot do. You will not be handing over anymore joy to live life from fear or suffering.
Never give up! You deserve to live a life full of happiness and joy. EVERYONE DOES! No one is ever excluded, except by their own definitions.
Once you have managed to calm your mind you will begin to notice new feelings emerge that bring you comfort and peace. This is called hope. This is called grace. This is called love. Within that space of grace you can now begin to take the very next step in the direction of continued peace and hope. Start small. Don't leap up to call a loved one after a bitter fight once you feel calm. Give yourself some space and time to take the next tiny step keeping your mind on compassion towards yourself, and slowly you will begin to feel that compassion extending out to others. You might hear a still small voice giving you direction and after questioning that this is NOT coming from self pity or indulgence but from compassion to yourself and others, take heed.
Reaffirm that these experiences are opening us up even wider, to allow in more love and peace in our lives. These experiences, as painful as they may be, are our deepest selves crying out for healing and solace from a frenzied and suffering mind. Your action to still the mind with grace is your answer to that innermost calling.
Now we spring from here. This place of suffering is now behind us and we move forward with more experience, more compassion and a renewed sense of our self and perhaps of others. Our next actions will now be from a higher perspective, not from fear, anxiety, anger, or retaliation. No one could possibly benefit from that, but the person most hurt in these types of reactions is our self. If you find yourself approaching this level of suffering, hurt or anxiety again, remember the steps you took to turn your mind around to a more peaceful and healthy place and immediately apply.
Life is meant to be lived in fullness and happiness. Of course, because we have an ego and because we have human tendencies and prior conditioning, we will face many dark nights of the soul. We all do. But there is nothing that says that these painful moments have to linger or that we cannot quickly reverse them and use them to add perspective and depth into our visions and life experience.
You always have everything you need. If you are alive and reading this article, no matter how deep or how wide your suffering appears to be, there is an answer and it is immediately available to you if you can begin to see your suffering as a "story" and allow new peace to emerge. Don't hang on to the "story" of the pain - it will not take you where you want to go, EVER! Follow these steps to give yourself the best possible opportunity of transposing the condition that got you to your suffering to be one of solutions, opportunity, answers and newly inspired direction.
Blessings to you all - Joleen
Joleen Halloran is the author of Finding Home - Breaking Free from Limits under the pseudo name of Joleen Bridges. This book represents over 10 years of research and inspiration in personal and spiritual empowerment and provides readers with a pathway to overcome limits and discover authentic divine qualities in their lives and to live a life of unbounded freedom..
Additionally Joleen is the owner of ZoomIT Marketing, a social media and internet marketing coaching and training company. Joleen's business background includes extensive experience in project management, leadership, specializing in motivational techniques and corporate culture.
Beyond Joleen's professional life, she is an avid reader and researcher of books and other materials related to her profession, but also to her special passion, which is metaphysical and spirituality topics. You can find out more about Joleen's book at her books website, http://www.breakingfreefromlimits.com. Additional articles of a spiritual and inspirational nature can be found at the book's website as well. The book is available for purchase at Amazon and at a discounted price directly from the books website.
